Losing Words

After 5 months of blog writing absence, now I am dazed while typing this words and find it hard to trace my own thought. Dozen of ideas are pretty easy to be caught still the barriers are always win; they hold my hand even just for opening my blog.

I have been feeling like I'm losing my words (not the ideas). I became less interested to express my thought through writing in the media that can possibly make particular readers easily spit their bad words in order to show their disagreement and mostly judgement.

I am very sad of this fact. The partial cognition of events and the lack of wisdom plus a lot of selfishness might transform themselves into a long frail bridge to the land of understanding and acceptance. In my case, I was not into craving for both understanding and acceptance. Nevertheless, without those two things, we fail to love people. Or we might love them in a wrong way. But how could love become a 'wrong' thing? Isn't it an universal language which may not be measured by metric system but can be felt through human's 5 sensors and also feeling (which is hard to numbered)? 

What I am really respecting from people and that I am also expecting the same thing is the freedom to express feelings and thought without harm others. Therefore I am fair enough and open to people who don't agree with my life path and choices, that is just part of their thought's expressions. I don't resist to critics. However, as we accept other people as the same human being, we might don't want to suppress their freedom. Thus we need to express our disagreements or critics in such appropriate ways.

How could we even love other people when in the process of teaching them how to love, we rudely using words which have high possibility to hurt them. How could love transforms itself in such discouraging actions? The worse side is to force people to do things in certain way and using other people as a bad example. I myself have a strong foundation of my beliefs and according to them, I choose the steps which bring me here right now.

As we sometimes being discouraged by people, we need to keep going. For me, I needed time to heal myself and to win against my reluctance which was the result of bitter words exposures. Now as I couldn't hold the swirling thought inside my head, I'm finding back my words. They are there, waiting for me to be released in my blog. Even words are urging to be free.

Jardine Apt,

Manhattan, Kansas, Sept 3 2015