Its the end of 2016 already. Finally!

Whats that in "finally"? 

I don't know.

It was just an expression.

But whether it was me being happy for almost finishing an awful year of my life,

Or it was just a mere celebration of being alive.

No idea.

I am having a hard time defining myself. Again.

When I was a teen, I thought that mid twenties people are so mature and stable. 

It might be well applied for other people. Although I am not very sure.

My mid twenties is not so cool really.

I don't know what I am doing,

I hate myself,

I have such a tiny willpower that sometimes I feel like I am ready to die in any second, 

'cos what is the difference anyway?

I used to think that I had found my passion.

Now I am continuously checking on my inner excitement about the area.

Because I am somewhat designed to be a doubter.

Its my job to question stuff.

Until the deadline come and forcefully drag me from a total Absurd to become a lame believer.

I guess evolution has been adding too much complexity on human race.

I found my self being less care nowadays.

Or maybe its just me being tired of pretend that I cared.

No I am no angel or deity-like figure. I am getting over those imagination.

Guess I am pretty much a piece of ever questioning material still floating in this enormous universe.

Right now I feel like a homeless person.

I once felt sorry about a homeless couple in a New York subway.

Well, better feel sorry about myself now because my homelessness is not the absence of building but the presence of self-redefining.

What makes me better is imagining myself as a philosopher.

Since I doubt and question nearly all time, I am happy whenever I found any men with the same features.

Just like other beings, I am growing old.

I realize that every second brings me closer to the mortality.

Oh my, I should make my life pleasurable then!

Because I do not want to spend my life questioning the true meaning.

I am not even sure that such thing is exist.

I am going to make my life a home for myself by living the ideas of my own, my choice.

Trying my best embracing the absurdity.