Meant to Be

Exactly 3 years ago I said, "Everything Falls Into Place". Everything seemed to be aligned to where they were supposed to be. When I had that feeling, I knew that what was left for me to do was to play my part. No fear or doubt, as the things were aligning into something I knew as "my path". It didn't mean that at that point I knew what would happen the next day, month, let alone year(s). It just felt right, it felt empowering knowing we were somehow on the right track, such that all the then-existing countless confusion disappeared into the air. 

But again life is full of mystery. Three years later (now), I am standing here on the brink of changes, questioning what will happen next, waiting for the "everything falls into place" enlightenment come strike me once again. I guess I am still in the "confused" stage, and that is part of this change cycle, and I am here, patiently (or not) waiting for my path to re-aligned.

What I know for sure is that there has been so much change happening these past three years, so much so that when I compare myself to my 3 years younger self, the contrast is like night and day. It feels like the brain cells got into the re-birth cycle. Not just me, I've also been witnessing the changes that my son and my husband are going through and the dynamics of our relationship. And for all that we've been through in "just" three years' time, I'm in awe, once again, of how this life works.

So if the changes happen all the time, why is there something called Big Change or New Chapter? I don't know for sure. But those small changes have gently been pushing me into a new realm of where I should be, or where our family is heading. I couldn't ask myself whether or not we're ready for the next chapter because all the previous micro sub-chapters could or should be seen as a preparatory exercise (while completing their mini cycles) for the next step, no matter how big or small the next field would be.

What I could do to comfort my anxious breath is to imagine myself being open to possibilities and opportunities ahead. Just as three years back then life was cycling up unpredictably yet filled with so much growth and bringing me closer to where I should and need to be, so would the next couple of years be. And as life is unveiling its mystery(ies), I might need to focus on my plate today. No matter how this life might change later on, this moment is all I've got. I'm off to sleep now, and although it's a bit late of a night, tomorrow morning if I wake up, I'll try to appreciate my life and my family a little deeper. 

It is weird, we feel that change is going to happen, in fact, changes happen even when we're not aware of them, yet every day we wake up to our seemingly ever the same consciousness. Life is so mighty and full of mystery, yet made out of simple things.